Greetings, newly minted JETs! When I heard they were looking for speakers for Sapporo Orientation, I jumped at the chance to do this workshop. The reason is that most of the stories that I tell to my friends have to do with being a young foreign female in Hokkaido. My dating stories alone are enough to fill a book; in fact, my friends said I should write one... Well, if not entertaining, it would at least be shocking.
Content that I have included is based on my own experiences living in Japan as well as 3 years worth of conversation and advice from Japanese female friends. Knowing me, I probably got flustered during the workshop, and either forgot or didn’t say several points I wanted to make. I have therefore written this “blog post” on several topics you might want to know about. So if you got a few minutes while in the bath or something, read it all the way through once, and if you want keep it for the parts you might want to jump to and reference later. In case you misplace this document, I have already posted it online to access anytime at https://ezoali.wordpress.com/2012/08/11/a-girls-life-and-love-in-hokkaido/, which I also printed on the other handout I gave you in the workshop. Hope you will find the information useful!
－Allie
Embarrassing Questions and Conversations
Every girl JET will go through this sometime, and it will probably be right at the start since you are now in the process of introducing yourself to a massive captive audience of co-workers, students, and citizens all vying to find out everything about you.
Let’s look at a few of these questions:
1. Do you have a boyfriend?
2. Do you “like” your co-teacher, co-worker, (insert any Japanese male in the room)?
3. What cup? (which is how they say what is your bra size in Japanese)
I don’t think I need to go into why, unless handled tactfully, the answers to these questions could get you into a tough situation. You can choose to answer honestly, but that could be awkward for others, wrecks your sense of privacy, and in some cases could cause your judgment to be questioned. You also completely have the right to say “none of your business” or “it’s a secret”, but that might make your new companion feel slighted and some people might not accept no for an answer, might hit you again with the same question later. So my recommendation for all of these is to use humor. In fact, start thinking for what to say now so you have them ready. Here are my stock answers that work for me.
- Yes, Hokkaido is so big I have about 100. It’s so annoying, they call all the time!
- Yes of course, he’s one of my 100 boyfriends.
- “Mug-cups.” (Mug-cup is the Japanese-English word they use for “mug.” )
You will also get many unsolicited comments. Genuine compliments, ingenuine compliments, insults. Don’t be surprise, and handle them with all the grace and humor you can muster. But remember sexual harassment toward usis not tolerated in Japan, so if someone crosses the line with the perverted comments and you feel offended or unsafe, go to your supervisor, P.A., preferably someone that can get them into trouble for doing that.
Dating in Japan
As I said, I could write the book on this. I can’t tell you how many boys I’ve dated in 3 years here. No seriously, I can’t, because I’ve lost count.
You can and will find men that would love to date you, even in the countryside. But it is truewhat they say: Hokkaido guys are shy. Even if one is checking you out, he will look away as soon as you look back and probably make his way to the nearest exit. This can be disheartening to foreign girls who misread this behavior as“He doesn’t find me attractive.”Correct me if I’m wrong when I say, foreign girls like and need a little assurance that we are cute before anything can take off.
The guys that will come at you first will probably be of A-type personalities and those with ample practice flirting with women(i.e. sort of aggressive). Therefore, don’t get desperate and use your women’s intuition just as you would in your home country. It’s probably better to rely on introductions by people you know, or date someone you’ve known for a little while, than pick someone up in Susukino. There’s a handy little thing called “goukon” which are dating parties where you can go to get to know people in a low-pressure setting. Ask a Japanese friend to form one or take you along next time they go, as a foreigner you will be the center of attention! And not to change the tone here drastically but, yes, there have been famous cases where foreign girls have been murdered by Japanese (and foreign) men in Japan that they went off alone with. The point is, as in any dating scenario, just proceed with caution and use your judgment.
If you decide to try dating in Japan, it may be up to you to stay on top of what’s going on and enforce communication. For one thing, it might be hard to find someone who speaks English, so the burden of speaking the “most common language” might be up to you. I can’t remember how many times I have been told by Japanese people that I’m lucky because “when they use different languages, couples fight less” but of course it is much more of a challenge than a benefit. Even beyond the language barrier, that famous Japanese vagueness can be particularly tricky in this case; a guy you went on one date with might consider you his girlfriend, while someone you have been sleeping with for 3 months may not.
Also, be aware that some Japanese men are just looking for a good time with a foreign woman (An easy way to tell? If they make a point of telling you which foreign movie actresses they like/ compare you to one of them), but if you are ok with that you can go for it. In that case, always have a form of contraception on you.Most Japanese men don’t carry condoms and will go on in without even stopping to ask you because they feel it will be fine if they get out before the finale. That is probably why 1/4 of marriagesin Japan are “dekichatta”=“we accidently did it” (as in, got pregnant), which isn’t recommended but also not particularly looked down uponhere because it helps toward improving the country’s low birth rate
Also remember that any sex without a condom is unsafe sex when it comes to diseases!(more on this in the next section). The condoms you can buy at the convenience store are all of perfectly good quality, and they even market condoms with butterflies, leopard print, and other girly things on the boxes to attract ladies to buy them! I especially like to take them up to where a young female worker is at the register to show that it’s ok for girls take these matters into their own hands (NOT in my town I might add, do consider where you buy because if people know you, it will become the latest gossip). These condoms will be fine unless your guy is superduper huge. If you really need an upgrade, I’ve heard tellthat they sell XL size at Don Kihote stores.
STDs
My Japanese friend was just telling me the other day about how her friend got something after her boyfriend cheated on her. So they are out there, and it is up to you to take the steps to protect yourself!
HIVin particular is becoming a serious problem in Japan. In Sapporo“the gay capital of Japan” it is at epidemic levels in the homosexual male community. So hags,educate your… well, you know. Remember any sexual membrane contactor contact with infected vaginal and seminal fluid (even pre-cum) can pass the virus. If you have any concern or are just curious, free HIV screenings are available every Saturday from 4-7pm at Circle Sapporooff of Odori, which is fairly quick(it takes 1 week to get the result)and completely confidential. I’ve put the contact information for Circle Sapporo on the hand-out discussed during the work-shop. Foreigners in need of English explanation must make their appointment 3 days before coming so that they can get a translator ready for you. Also, keep in mind you must wait 3 months after the incident that may have caused you to contract the virus for the test result to be accurate.
You can get full STD screenings (Type C Hepatitis, HTLV-I, Syphilis, Chlamydia, Trachematis) in Hokkaido for a price (about 1 man yen) and HIV is particularly expensive and not completely confidential (the stats are reported to the government). So I would definitely go to Circle Sapporofor the HIV one… and also use a condom every time so you don’t have to worry about dropping the money to be tested!
Getting Yourself Examined Regularly
Every woman in their 20’s and 30’s should have an annual pap smear. Though finding a time to go might be difficult, and going to the clinic may take more time out of your day than it does back home, you shouldn’t let this go too long because it is important. Cost should be no excuse as pap tests are covered under our insurance. Pap smears test for early signs of cervical cancer, and an irregular pap result could also reveal the extremely common yet often undiagnosed sexual transmitted Human Papillomavirus (HPV). One of my Japanese friends didn’t get a pap test until she was 25, and it was revealed that she already had internal warts caused by HPV. You can also get HPV vaccines here for a price, but remember you must be under 30 years old and it does not protect against HPV contracted before receiving the vaccine.
Ok, so you want to visit the ladies’ doctor. First, you have to choose where you’d like to go. For most women’s concerns (pap test, STD screenings, birth control) you can just go to the closestpublic hospital with a gynecology department (“sanfujin-ka”), or if you wish you can go to a larger hospital or private women’s clinic (“sanfujinka byouin,”but the terms “women’s clinic” and “ladies clinic” in katakana are also used) in Sapporo or another city. If you go to a public hospital in a city other than your own, you may have to obtain a referral (“shoukai jou”) from your local hospital at the price of 2,000 yen. I’ve never heard of a private clinic that requires this.
As for the language barrier issue, there’s a list of 16 medical facilities in Hokkaido http://inhos.net/search/Hokkaidou/add_.html that advertise ability to provide care in English, 14 of which are in Sapporo (I listed all of these facilities from this website on the other hand-out). However, even if a hospital does not claim to have English-speaking staff, most doctors can speak and understand more English than they let on, at the very least they know the English terms for medical ailments that they had to know for school.
Here are the steps to going to get an exam.
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I can’t say with perfect certainty, but I know in general most places will let you come in without an appointment (“yoyaku”) the first time, but if you want to be 100% sure they can see you that day, please call ahead. If you don’t have an appointment, come as early as possible during the reception hours (“uketsuke jikan”) to get your name in early. Be aware that the wait time can be longer than you imagine, so go at a time when you don’t have to do anything pressing to do for a few hours.
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Always bring your health insurance card (“hokensho”) and hospital card (“shinsatsu ken”) if you have it one. If it is your first time and don’t have that hospital’s card, they will make one for you.
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If it is your first time, they will as you to fill out a form regarding your reason for coming, allergies, and medical history. You will most likely need help reading the kanji, and if you give a puppy dog face some nurse will almost definitely sit down with you and help you fill it out (or fill it out for you).
- After that just wait, see the doctor, and pay at the end. If you received a prescription (“shohousen”), you can take it to any pharmacy (“yakkyoku”) to be filled, but many hospitals have one nearby that they usually send to.
The Pill
If you are on the pill at home, you should continue to take it in Japan. I know a girl who went off it when her supply from home ran out, and she gained weight and broke out badly for months.Going off the pill also throws your emotions into a tailspin, and you don’t need that on top of stress you are about to endure by living in Hokkaido (more on that later).
To get the pill, go to any local hospital that has a “gynecology department(“sanfujinka”). Don’t be shocked that everyone around youseems to be pregnant especially in a small town… you might be the only one there at that time for the opposite reason. On the first visit, they will give you a pap test and cervical cancer screening. You will come back and if everything is ok, they will hand you a prescription to take to any pharmacy. Because it can take a little time (VERY IMPORTANT!) don’t wait until you are about to run out before you start looking into this. With your insurance, a 6 month supply is about 1 man yen.
They will probably not have your brand from home, but they will find you something comparable. Remember, during this time when you are switching birth control pills,don’t forget to use a back-up form of contraception for at least 2 months.
The Morning-after Pill
Japan has it, and you can get it. In an emergency, even on a weekend or during a holiday, you can look up the nearest women’s clinic, call and leave a message, and someone will probably get back to you. But I can’t promise that, so try not to get in the situationwhere it is a necessity.
Pregnancy Tests
Unfortunately, pregnancy tests at a hospital or clinic would not be covered under our (neither national nor JET) insurance. Fortunately, pregnancy tests are available over the counter at any pharmacy for (a low price). They have Clear Blue Easy, with English directions enclosed!
Abortion
Abortion is safe and legal in Japan, and not at all uncommon. In fact, it is the most recommended route by counselors for Japanese school girls who find themselves pregnant. They go and have the procedure performed without anyone knowing and then they carry on with school as usual. It is recommended in Japan for abortions to be carried out at around 12 weeks of pregnancy, but can be performed by law up to 22 weeks. Almost every abortion is performed surgically; most medical abortion methods (“abortion pills”) are not yet approved in Japan and those that have are only used in extremely extenuating circumstances.The most common abortion method used is D&C (dilation and curettage).Legally, abortions can only be performed by an obstetrician or gynecologist, and usually a women’s doctor will hold both licenses (OB-GYN).You can get a first trimester abortion at a public hospital or private clinic and usually costs about 10 man (up to 20 man at some private clinics). Second trimester abortions are only performed in private clinics and can cost 30 to 50 man. You must pay out of pocket because our insurance does not cover abortions.Reasons for an abortion acceptable by the law are to preserve the life of the mother, to preserve the health of the mother, if the pregnancy was the result of rape or incest, or economic/social reasons. If you are married, the abortion must be approved by your spouse. I’ve also heard that having more thanone abortion in a lifetime is risky for the woman and her future fetuses.But then, one of my Japanese friends said that her friend had a few abortions when she was younger, and now is a happy parent… so I guess there are always exceptions? Finally, when seeking an abortion at a clinic, counseling is most often NOT provided so make sure you research for yourself and think about what’s best for you before you go. And if you need help, don’t hesitate at all to contact our awesome P.A. Holly Long for assistance (more on her awesomeness and promise of CONFIDENTIALITY later). Another great resource you can use is the Tokyo English Life Line, which provides a free, anonymous pregnancy counseling service in English (phone number and hours for this and other counseling help-lines are listed in the Mental Wellness section of the accompanying handout).
Feminine Care Products
Tampons and pads of all sorts are available, even at the convenience store(but same rules as condoms… only buy where you don’t care that everyone knows you bought them). It’s sort of silly because they will wrap them uptight like little presents when you take them to the counter so you won’t be “embarrassed” carrying them home. But if you are like me and have a certain brand that you likebest (Playtex Sport tampons!) you might want to have your mom or someone send them overto you. The same goes for make-up, face soaps, lotions, period medicine… they have it but maybe you’ll want to keep using your own.Like most foreign girls, Iconsider Japanese deodorants as useless but on the other hand, I like the make-up better here.
Mental Wellness
Living in another country by yourself is stressful enough, but Japan and Hokkaido in particular has its own challenges. For just one example, during working hours Japanese people are very serious and quiet, so you might find yourself in a bubble of silence for 8 hours a day, trapped in your own thoughts. That alone has driven me and other ALTs slightly nutty. But something I didn’t realize would be stressful before experiencing it was the fact that Japanese people do not touch each other i.e. hug or whatever very much, and after several months I began to feel mental strain and even physical pain due to lack of body contact.
In Hokkaido, the winters are long and hard. You will constantly be not quite warm enough, and the sun sets before you can even get home from work. That would be enough to get you down, but without sunlight your body cannot produce enough vitamin D, and it is not supplemented in the milk here. Because of this, I have even heard male JETs complain that they find themselves mysteriously depressed during the wintertime. Combined with first-year JET culture shock that will hit just as the winter is starting to become annoying, you might find yourself wanting to go to bed everyday at 5pm. Fixes for this that have worked include taking vitamin D supplements and, in all seriousness, exercising (even just a little). Feel free to give yourself little 20 minute power naps, but don’t sleep all the time! For body touch withdrawal, you can find someone who is comfortable giving you a hug or a back rub, or you can go get massages even at your local small-town chiropractor.
If you are still depressed, you might need to seek more help. I did, when my ex-boyfriend committed suicide. Suicide is a major problem in Japan, with over 30,000 people succeeding per year. To translate that into something more understandable, I guarantee if you could ask everyone you meet in your Japanese life, several of them would have a personal brush with suicide whether it was a relative, a friend, or themselves (several people in my community, in fact, came forward to talk to me after they heard what happened). Workers in stressful careers such as teachers are also at high risk for depression, and if you pay attention you will probably even recognize 1 or more co-workers going through a mental break-down.
The point is, had my ex been diagnosed, we would have found he had textbook depression and would have benefitted greatly from counseling. But after he died, I’m the one who needed it to lead me through what I was feeling. For counseling, there are two different routes you can go. You can go to your local or closest big city’s (in case you don’t want anyone to know) hospital’s psychiatry department (“seishin ka”) and talk to someone there. Most Japanese doctors can speak or at least understand more English than they let on. But if you are feeling down, the best thing for you is to speak to someone who can understand you completely and give you clear advice. For this, sessions with a native English-speaking doctor or counselor is your #1 option. The bad news is there is no such person like that in Hokkaido. The good news is there are some living in Tokyo or elsewhere that are available for phone counseling. It can be a little expensive (I paid 6,000 yen per hour), but some doctors will base fees on your financial ability (because they are used to treating JETs and other ALTs). I have given you recommendations for two good doctors and their contact info on the other handout.
I have also listed other options for emergency and one-time counseling. The very good news is that between the three hotlines there is always someplace to call, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There is no reason to wait until it is intolerable, so call as soon as you need to.
Just a few (Safety) Tips
Actually I only have 1 major one: Lock your door! Just a month or so ago, a young nurse was stabbed in Chiba Prefecture after failing to lock the door behind her when she came home from work. Especially if you live in the countryside, everyone will know where you live, and even in a bigger city you will be so recognizable that people around will come to know where you come and go everyday. In my town, I live right in the center and everyone knows my apartment. One time a guy that apparently thought I was attractive came out of a bar near my house, followed my tracks in the snow, and knocked on my door (shiver). Another time, a group of drunk men came in the middle of the night and tried to open my door, and when they found it locked they shoved a slice of cheesecake in the mail slot. Children will also come and randomly pull on your door, I’ve had one come in my house while I was in the shower! So click the lock as soon as you walk inside, every time.
Another thing I can think of is, of course, be careful walking alone, especially when intoxicated, especially in Susukino. Recently, some women have been mugged returning home to their apartments in Sapporo. After a night out of drinking, have a friend go with you all the way to your house or where you are staying, or take a cab to the doorstep. The money is worth not having someone follow you there.
I do have one more piece of pretty good advice that I can offer any girl that comes and lives in Hokkaido: try to find a Japanese female friend who can either speak English or who will work hard to communicate well with you to always just be a phone call away at any time to help if you have a problem. This can be someone from your work-place or a female friend your age, but most JETs swear by some “Japanese mother” that they have somehow obtained. I’m certain that if you are receptive, there will be several nice Japanese ladies lining up to take you under their wing.
Well, this has gotten quite long. Having written all this, basically in one sitting, rather stream of consciousness-style, and having mostly focused on things I wished someone would have told me when I was at the point that you are, I have most indubitably left out something you might like to know. Hopefully we may have covered it during discussion time in the workshop (if there was any…) but if not, go ahead and e-mail me, I’ll try to help you find an answer if I can! Also, we are lucky to have an amazing P.A. Holly Long, who collaborated to help me gather as much accurate and specific information as possible for this workshop because she personally believes Women’s Health is incredibly important. If you find yourself in a situation in which you have important questions or need some assistance, contact Holly; she says she will do all she can to help! (Plus, she is bound by a confidentiality agreement, so don’t be shy!) Enjoy your time in Hokkaido, Girls!
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